Funny that I am writing a post in my blog about relationships. Having been single for almost 5 years without commiting to any serious relationships does allow me to share my thoughts about being single. And being single is strongly linked to having a relationship. I will try to explain why..
So the conclusion that being a longterm single is bad for you because you do not know how to be in a relationship anymore, is extremely wrong.
You might have noticed that commiting to a relationship at a young age is easier than at 25+ years of age. The reason for this is that you get to know yourself in your late 20s/early 30s, you figure out what you want in life and in a partner. Young people fall in love, which is great of course, but then the relationship lasts and love becomes habit. Some people can handle that life and adapt very well, they compromise and stay together because they do not know any better.Others start to notice that once the butterflies are gone there is not much left.
Another reason that those young loves do not work is that no one stays untouched by life. Life influences us all and changes and shapes us. Young lovers might develop in different directions and mutual interests might disappear while new life goals and interests form. Some young loves do not survive these and break.
Being a professional single means that you have had relationships which broke and at one point you started analyzing the real reason. You start to think about what you really want in live and what kind of parter fits in that life you see yourself in. Ideally a partner means forever and that is what you try to achieve. And if you are looking for someone forever and not only a short period of life, you start being pickier. You want to go all in or not at all.
Being a professional single does not mean that you have to be single for years (as I am) but it means that you became critical while being single. That you do not want to settle for less. Less than what would make you happy and fit you, your goals in life and your lifestyle. You want it all or not at all.
Is this way of thinking too rational to be called love?
I do not think so. Romantic love is seen as an emotional process. In my opinion, LOVE is not a pure emotion, but a CONNECTION. In the beginning the emotional part might play a bigger role, but once the butterflies are gone, connection keeps 2 people together.
Love is a connection between 2 poeple and comes along with TRUST, RESPECT, and AFFECTION. Love connects two people based on similar views on life. You can see it as a puzzle, you do not have to have exactly the same personality, hobbies or opinions. But they have to be compatible. If you want a life long partnership with love, affection, trust, respect, patience and joy, you need to find a partner who has the same values as you have and wants the same life as you do. Of course not everything in life works out as we planned it or hoped it to be, but walking the same path together is the most important thing irrespective of where you actually will end.
So it is a good thing to be a professional single and not blindly fall into a relationship. It is a good thing to be picky and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Let no one ever push you into a relationship only because you are getting old, or it is just time to be in one. Only start a partnership if the connection feels right otherwise it is not fair to yourself and the partner and it will not last as soon as the butterflies disappear.