Normally, you are either described as an extrovert OR an introvert.
However, this is a very black and white view on life. You can be outgoing, yet you can desperately be in need of alone time.
People see me as completely extroverted person because that’s the personality I do have once I am around people. I click easily, talk easily to strangers, and enjoy getting to know new people. On the other side I love staying at home, reading, writing, thinking about life and so on. Sometimes I basically prefer being home and having my me-time.
Some time ago I noticed something/ I got confronted with something that in the beginning hurt me, but later on I realised that I was being misunderstood. And that is when I decided to share some of my thoughts with you… so other extroverted introverts are no longer misunderstood.
Two of my closest friends confronted me with the fact that I seemed to be disinterested sometimes and that I cancel on plans too easily. My first thought was: “Oh boy, I am such a bad friend.”I decided that I would try hard to change and adapt to how they function as I care a lot about my friends and my intention is not hurting them.
Weeks passed and this conversation was still graved in my mind. I started analysing myself and I started to understand why my behaviour might seem confusing to people.
I am a extrovert person, I love talking, mix and mingle with people. And then there are times I need to be alone with myself. Except of the times I am physically not fit enough (which were definitely legitime reasons for them), there have been times I decided to have me-time instead of seeing people. I get into a mode I cannot control. I do not feel like seeing anyone or talking to anyone, all I need then are a cup of tea, a good book, a tv show or a inspirational video on Ted(x).
It is a struggle making yourself understood… and it can be exhausting explaining yourself all the time, as most people take it personally…But let me tell you one thing. This is nothing to take personal. This has nothing to do with how much that person values you, loves you or cares about you. This is all about him- or herself.
It is not extrovert versus introvert, some people switch between the two. And I would love people to understand that “extrovert” people are not angry or sad only because they decide to stay in; and that they still do care about you.
So,let me make more clear what it means to be an extroverted introvert in general:
1. Being a listener more than a talker
2. Hanging out with one or two people is more appealing than a big group
3. Alone time does not mean being lonely to you
4. It’s hard to go out, but once you are out you will have a great time
5. After a lot of talking, you need to recharge
6. You are not always the most talkative person in a group
7. You live in your head even though it seems like you are putting ourselves out there
8. You are torn between wanting attention and no recognition at all
9.You get mad at yourself for wanting to stay in and letting our friends down
10. You are at your happiest in places like coffee shops and cafés (surrounded by people, but still keeping to yourself)
11. You really don’t like small talk. You want true connection
12. If you like someone, you really like someone. You are extremely picky about who you spend your time with and energy on
13. You make new friendships easily, but have trouble maintaining them
14. If you decide to stay in (last minute) you are afraid that people think that you are angry or sad at something or someone
I am sure I am not alone with this variation of personality and I believe this personality needs to be known by more people, so we won’t be misunderstood.